Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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