I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
did i just pee glitter
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
