too bad you live with your parents still
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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