I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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