I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
