Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We had to coat check the pizza.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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