in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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