god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
