Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
