This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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