dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
