they need to just BURY HIM!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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