do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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