I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize