She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
