just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
