I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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