May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
