I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
