hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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