you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
