I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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