I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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