I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
