My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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