things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
