two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
