moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
