you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
