My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
