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• (254): View more from Texas

  you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy

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• (305): View more from Florida

  Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?

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