i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
