this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
