So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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