ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
