What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
