I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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