Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
