she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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