guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
