I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
