I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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