you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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