Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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