Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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