do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
