i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
