i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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