I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
