Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
