Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
