i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
