I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
