the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
