Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
