i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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