I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
