i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
