His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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