you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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