That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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