i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
