Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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