I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Brb crying the tears of my youth
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
