things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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