all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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