she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
