You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
