She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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