Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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