I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize