I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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