I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
