her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
