My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
