Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
