I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
