mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
