Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
