Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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