3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Your penis caused this!
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