Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
