lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i will never coherently bang her
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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