I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize