He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
