I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I smell like Dick and happiness
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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