Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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