I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
