I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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