Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have feelings that need drinking.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
