Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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